I Die Every Day Without You
by smile-like-santana
Summary: A month, three days, 15 hours and 16 seconds. That is how long ago it was that Santana broke up with Brittany. The 'unofficial' break up, had led to a final break up, a week after Santana told the blonde that this wasn't working. Now, Santana regrets her decision. They both miss each other and Santana can't take it anymore, she drives to Lima... and makes things right? T for safety


I die every day without you

A month, three days, 15 hours and 16 seconds. That is how long ago it was that Santana broke up with Brittany. The 'unofficial' break up, had led to a final break up, a week after Santana told the blonde that this wasn't working. Brittany couldn't take the uncertainty and Santana, to be fair, told Brittany that it would be better to break up, both explore other options. If they were really meant to be together, they'd be together in the end.

They both missed each other, so much was clear. Brittany was never happy anymore. She became... bitter, just a little bit. Her smile was less bright, her eyes sparkled less and her little fantasy world that she had always lived in, became an even bigger part of her, mostly to protect herself from all the hurt life would throw at her.

Santana wasn't in a great place either. Her grades had dropped slightly, she began to drink and smoke more and she slept around. She was back to her old sophomore self, except now she only slept with women and she didn't have the love of her life by her side. She was alone, she didn't have many friends. She didn't want to either. No one was as good as Brittany; no one was as amazing as that blonde with the sparkly blue eyes and that cute little pout.

Santana missed Brittany every day. She missed having someone to talk to, who understood, or at least tried to. She missed having someone to hold, kiss, touch and feel her heartbeat accelerate. She missed being held, kissed and touched and feel her skin tingle. She missed making love, instead of fucking, and sometimes having to push hands and lips off her skin because the heat and tingling got too much, almost out of this world. She missed burying her head on soft, blonde locks while she tried to regain her breathing after another night of passion, feeling strong arms wrap her up in their warmth, finally, feeling safe. She missed the breathless 'I love you, Sanny.' that would follow right after, and she missed being able to reply 'I love you too, Britt.' She missed having a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell her that it would be alright, that she wasn't alone in this world and misunderstood. That she everything would be fine. She just had to believe and hold on. Never give up. Brittany always gave Santana the strength to keep going.

And Santana did the same for Brittany. She made her feel protected and loved, like a perfectly normal human being, because she had always felt so different from everyone else. No one of her age believed in magic and unicorns, but Santana told her that it was completely fine, that there was nothing wrong with her for having such a world in her head. It made her unique and special. Brittany missed having someone to watch Nemo with. It was not the same without having Santana's lap to sit on and Santana's hand to hold onto when things got a bit scary. She missed having someone helping her study for test, but it somehow always ending up in a make out session on her desk.

Every night, they both cried themselves to sleep, holding onto an old shirt of their ex-lover that still vaguely smelled like their lost love. Both knew that soon the smell would be gone and at first, they would be able to imagine it there… but then it would fade away and they'd only have the shirt, without the smell, without the person it belonged to.

Santana couldn't take it anymore. She snapped. She was dying on the inside and she missed her ex-girlfriend, she missed the love of her life, her best friend, her everything. They only contact they had was on Facebook. Whenever one of them posted a picture, the other would like it… that was all. Nothing more, nothing less; and it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. She stepped into her car and without thinking she started the engine. She drove, her eyes focused on the road. She didn't know what she would do when she arrived in Lima once again; all she knew was that she would go looking for Brittany. She would make things right. It was worse being apart and knowing that you couldn't go back and hold onto the woman you loved, instead of being apart and knowing you can't go home and hug her.

When she arrived in Lima, she looked at the time and saw that Brittany would probably still be in class now, but in about thirty minutes, classes would end and Brittany would come out of this building… and see her standing in the parking lot. She hoped things would be alright, that Brittany hadn't found someone knew or worse, that she just ignored Santana completely.

The half hour lasted for hours, at least that's what it seemed like to the girl, waiting in her car. She got out when the first people exited the school and she began to walk slowly to the familiar building. She thought her heart stopped beating when she saw the beautiful girl she had once called her girlfriend walking out of her old school, in her white-red-black uniform; her high ponytail and smile in place… although she did look different. Her smile wasn't as bright as it used to be and the blue of her eyes looked duller… but still, she was the most beautiful woman Santana had ever seen.

Brown met blue in an air of surprise and happiness. Santana walked faster, as she saw Brittany move towards her too. Blaine was talking to Brittany and was surprised when she just ignored him, but then he saw Santana, and he understood. He just kept walking, not calling after Brittany who was now only a few feet away for her ex-lover.

"Brittany," Santana breathed, taking in every freckle on Brittany's skin again. "San…" Brittany said softly, before a smile spread over her face. "I missed you so much." Brittany added. "I missed you too, Britt." Santana told her favorite girl. Brittany couldn't contain herself and threw her arms around Santana, while Santana hugged Brittany back. They just stood there, hugging, breathing it… being. Together, they felt their heart heal, just for a little bit. Brittany pulled back from the hug. "Why are you here?" She questioned, still a smile on her face. Santana bit her lip. "I couldn't take it anymore." She said honestly. "I missed you too much." She croaked. "I am so sorry. I made a mistake. I made things worse." Santana said. "I want… I want to be with you again, Britt. I want you back." Her voice got high and strained with emotions. Brittany's eyes filled with tears. "Really? Are you serious?" She questioned.

Santana took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes…" She said. "Please, Brittany, forgive me for being a stupid ass, for hurting you. I'll never do that again. I promise, B. Please, forgive me." She begged. Brittany smiled and shook her head. "You silly woman," She began. "I already have." She added softly before she pressed her lips against Santana's again. All was right in the world again.

**Author Notes:**** The Break-Up was horrible; this is what I want to happen in the future. This is unedited, unbeta-ed, this is just… something that popped into my head and that I wrote. Not my best writing but still okay, I think. I didn't even proofread this so… there probably will be grammatical and spelling errors.**


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